Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
