I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
