why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
