My liver just broke up with me...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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