Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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