He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
