I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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