You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
