there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
