All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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