Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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