just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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