He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
