these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
