Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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