Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
