Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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