I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
