took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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