mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
