Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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