If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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