the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
