You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
