hotel room ftw
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize