Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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