ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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