Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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