A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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