did you get engaged???
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
