I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize