I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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