u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
