Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
