I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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