That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
