I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
