he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
