I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
