Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
