I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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