3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
