I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
