just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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