just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
