I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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