You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
whose parrot is this?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
