My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
