Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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