Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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