What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize