hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
