My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize