i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
