I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
