I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
