i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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