Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
