I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
