my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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