i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
