i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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