i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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