Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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