The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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