This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
True strength comes from lack of pants
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Congratulations! We have a period
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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