ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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