My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
